This is a post for all you people (once upon a time/still sometimes me) that spend most of your lives stuck inside your over active brains. Common questions and thoughts that run through your minds are:

1)   “Why did he put 1 kiss instead of 2? I don’t think he likes me anymore. He’s obviously not keen. I wonder what I did wrong? He’s def not gonna message me ever again. I’m pretty sure its over now, before it even started…”

2)   “I’m such a fool. Why did I say that? I probably sounded so stupid.”

3)   “I’m pretty sure my boss hates me and thinks I am incompetent.”

4)   “Omg I am SO bloated today and want to eat the entire world. I hope no one asks me if I’m pregnant or judges me on how much I eat. I am a whale.”

5)   “Omg I’ve gained 2 pounds. I’m so fat.”

6)   “What’s with the one-worded answers? Bitch. She thinks I don’t know her game. I know exactly what she’s doing.”

7)   “Omg what the HELL did I do last night? Ugh why can’t hangovers be the same as when I was 18? If over 26, guaranteed side effects of alcohol now include anxiety, fear, shame, black outs and general re-evaluation of your life, until Thursday when you consider doing it all over again because you’ve not had a drink all week and obvs feel, AMAZING. Ugh and why did I drink that much this weekend? Maybe I should be t-total… I’m defo not drinking this week. Maybe I won’t drink for the rest of the month. I’m broke.”

8)   “Why is that girl staring at me on the tube? Seriously what’s her problem? If she looks at me one more time I’m gonna have to say something.”

Right so… I am now going to respond to all those thoughts to what is far more likely to be going on, despite the fact that you think the world revolves around you.

1)   Boys and girls are completely different species. 1 kiss, 2 kisses, 3 kisses… I can guarantee you there was no other agenda and none of it means anything. The guy still likes you. He is just at work, busy and living his own life. He still likes you. Oh look… He’s just text you back. SHOCKER. You’re not that important (yet.)

2)   The sentence that you are replaying over and over in your head that you said in your meeting or on your date, I can assure you is not being thought about by ANYBODY else but you. It’s gone. The words do not exist anymore, forget about them, let them go like everyone else present in that moment. Going, going, GONE. You’re not that important.

3)   Your boss hates his job and his own life. Just because he doesn’t walk in singing and dancing everyday, doesn’t have any reflection on the work you are producing. He’s exhausted because he and his wife fell out last night and then his child kept him up all night being sick. He’s now at work attempting to pour coffee into his eyes, not because he thinks you’re incompetent, but because he, in his life, is TIRED. You’re not that important.

4)   Bloated? Don’t wear a tight dress. Put some leggings on and an over sized t-shirt, eat what you want, no one is judging you or gives a shite what you shove in your face today. Do you. Be you. EAT you if you bloody want too. You’re not that important anyway.

5)   2 pounds? HA I loose 2 pounds when I poo so I can assure you gaining 2 pounds means absolutely nothing. It is literally a glass of water that you are about to wee out. Don’t be dramatic. Eat a salad for dinner and watch the scale go back down. Or even better stop getting on the scale. Numbers don’t define you and no one has their weight written on their foreheads so plus 2 pounds, minus 2 pounds… NO ONES KNOWS. Your weight is just not that important.

6)   Maybe your friend is giving you one-worded answers. Maybe she is being a drama queen. Maybe she’s not… Maybe she’s actually in the middle of a job and to even message you back is quite an honour as she shouldn’t be on her phone at all. Don’t assume it’s always about you. You’re really not that important.

7)   The older you get, the more hangovers SUCK. Accept the fact that more often than not you get mash up on the weekends and are going to feel like ass on Monday, but don’t kid yourself of being t-total. It’s called balance (and a come down) and you know by Thursday you’ll feel like a new person. This is NOT a permanent state of being. Ride the wave. It’s self inflicted. Now go eat some kale and then go for a work-out. It does wonders. Wine and workouts are equally as important.

8)   You wanna know what the girl on the tube was thinking? “Wow, look how pretty that girl is. I wish I looked like that.” Just because she didn’t crack a smile, doesn’t mean she isn’t wishing she was you. It’s flattering. Calm down Miss. Hormone. YOU’RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT.

And there you have my take on people who think they are the centre of the universe (the old me.) I can’t tell you how much more enjoyable life is when you realise that you are not the problem and that everyone has their own. Revolutionary!

P.S You are obvs all really important, but only to your parents.