Because you are the sexiest version of you.

So… I am currently getting qualified as a Strategic Intervention Coach (fancy name for Life Coach) with the Robbins-Madanes Training Centre – Tony Robbins institution. As I was watching one of my online lectures, Tony Robbins quoted something that I thought was really damn cool and very true. He was coaching a woman that has struggled with her weight for most of her life. Tony said “there is nothing more sexy than someone totally living exactly who they are.” It got me thinking…

I went to Spain a couple of months ago and the day before I went I tried on some of the clothes and bikinis I wore last summer. Long story short this led to a full on irrational (felt so rational) emotional and mental breakdown. I looked like I had put on one of my little sisters bikini tops, though not her current ones, the bikini she wore when she was seven. Major boob overload. Looking back on the situation it was actually a hilarious site. However, not so much at the time…

The whole experience literally spiraled me into a 7-day pit of self-loathing that felt impossible to shake off. How did I go from feeling confident and sexy on Friday night to feeling like a hump back whale on Wednesday? NOT COOL. I don’t understand how I can feel so good in my gym kit but put me in anything else and I feel like a boy dressed up in girl’s clothes. I am just not a girly girl.

Anyway… so I went to Spain with my friend who (bless him) had to deal with the self-involved and self-loathing Grace that predominantly asks questions like “Is it coz I’m a whale? I think penguins are my spirit animal.”

However throughout the weekend he raised some really great points.

He said to me…

“You keep looking at pictures of yourself from when you supposedly ‘skinnier’ and felt better in clothes, (I still feel pretty good naked) but what was going on in your life at the time?”

My answer…

“Well, I had just got out of a long-term relationship with someone who I would consider to be the love of my life to date, I was utterly heart broken and in self destruct mode. I was also miserable and crippled with back pain and couldn’t train at all which caused me to loose all my muscle. I was unemployed, completely lost on where to go next in my life and thought I had to fully give up on my brand because I couldn’t teach anymore. My diet also consisted mostly of alcohol. The scale told me I looked great though so who cares about all the other stuff right?” WRONG.

After breaking it all down I realized… Why am I striving to be in a place that was unhappy and not sustainable? That was not where my body or my weight naturally sits. I am a tall girl with big boobs and an ass and guess what? That is just who. I. am. I’m also loud, obnoxious and hilarious (which you obviously all already know.)

So I made a decision. This was to instead of looking longly at old pictures, to associate pain with what I looked like in the summer as everything else going on in my life was unhappy. So I could wear slightly tighter tops due to my flatter chest? No one likes saggy empty tits anyway and after having big boobs for most of my life I mean… let’s just say they were heading south and looking rather sad.

My life is different now and with that so is my body. I’m working again, training again and I’m eating yummy nutritious food. Happiness starts with thanks and acceptance. I’m not a size zero model or the fitness girl that wears a sports bra and short shorts in the gym. I live a balanced lifestyle. I lift weights, I eat well, I am strong and I am athletic. My back is slowly but surely on the mend AND I have returned to my brand which is where my heart truly lies. How much is there to be thankful for in all of that?! I’m not going to strive for the body of someone with a different bone structure and genetics to me anymore. I’m going to start embracing myself for everything that I am, instead of hating myself for everything that I am not. My journey is exactly why I feel so passionate about what I do and what Diva Train represents. Any body issue, self-doubt, self-hate that any of you have been through I can assure I have too in some way even if in a different context.

Being a girl sucks sometimes (hormones will be the death of me) but lets start loving ourselves for everything that we are ladies. We are all different. We all have what we consider our good bits and our bad bits so embrace it. Dress for your shape. Wear things that make YOU feel good not what you think you should wear. I’ve officially given up on tight tops. Never liked them, never will, so why am I still torturing myself by trying to wear them? Plus… If I had a completely flat stomach it wouldn’t be fair on the rest of the girls because I’d practically have it all. HA. Jokes. Kinda…

BE YOU no matter what form it comes in because I can assure you that YOU are the sexiest version of yourself you can be.